Happy Birthday Dad

My dad’s birthday is January 27th.  This post is dedicated to him.

 

Hi Dad,

I wish you were here.  When you left I felt so alone.  With you and mom both gone, I couldn’t call and get advice or share my ups and downs.  In a split second I went from being your daughter to full-fledged grown-up.  Even though I was 52, something about having you around made it easier. No matter what was going on I could call and you’d make it better.   Although I was surrounded by family and friends after you passed it wasn’t the same. My heart had an empty spot that no one else could fill.

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Remember how we’d talk every day?  One of us would call the other and catch up on life. You’ve been gone for three and a half years but it seems like forever since I’ve heard your voice.  In honor of your 93rd birthday tomorrow I thought I’d catch you up on what’s been going on.  Maybe it will be feel like old times again.

We kids are doing well.  Bob is driving truck again – all over the U.S. and Canada.  He’s happy back on the road, except said he could do without all the snow.  Sue broke her leg and required surgery, but she’ll be fine.

Speaking of surgery, looks like I’ll be dealing with that also.  Hysterectomy – sometime in March.  Not thrilled about it, but you always told me to keep my head up, so I’m trying to follow your advice.

I also (finally) followed your advice about going back to college.  Yeah, it only took me 38 years, but I’ll have my BA in a few months. In English. Can you believe it?  I guess all those nights when you helped me with my spelling finally paid off.

The grandkids are doing well too.  Michelle is painting and attending college. Brian is busy with work and his music.  Matt will be 18 in less than a month and graduating high school in June.  Matt w Gr Matt 5-96097

 

Remember when he was born, only five pounds?  You were afraid to hold him.  Now he’s almost as tall as you.  He also loves music, makes up songs all the time and then plays them on your old piano.

 

 

You know, I never really had the ‘good cry’ after you passed.  Every time I’d start, I’d stop myself.  I thought I had to be strong, for me, for everyone else. I couldn’t let myself go and just weep.  Still don’t like watching sad movies.  Still can’t hang your most recent picture in the hall.  Both made me too sad.

But, after writing this letter and going through half a box of Kleenex, I feel better.  Somehow the gap in my heart is closing and healing has begun.  It will take some time, but I know it will be okay.  I’ll be okay.  Thanks for being there for me, even now.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Love,

Joan

 

11 thoughts on “Happy Birthday Dad

  1. Beautiful post, Joan. I’m sure your dad is smiling and proud of your accomplishments and of the woman you’ve become.

    Healing doesn’t happen all at once, honey. It takes time. And, I know you’ve heard this before, but here it is again: the time it takes is different for each person. So glad you finally had the big cry. Healing tears help.

    Hugs, xoA

    • Joan says:

      Thank you Annis. I know it takes time and for some reason I thought it would get easier. I do think the cry helped. Probably more than I realize.

  2. Joan,

    What a lovely idea. Such a touching tribute to your dad. Wherever he is, I’m sure he’s smiling on you. My dad’s 100th birthday is coming up in just over a week. He died in an accident two months before my 8th birthday. I didn’t get to know him in the same way you knew your dad. Maybe I will write a 100th birthday letter. Thanks for the inspiration.

    • Joan says:

      Dennis,
      Thank you for your kind words. I encourage you to write your dad a letter. Even if you never share it with anyone, I think it would mean a lot to you and your dad.

  3. Davyd Morris says:

    Your father was integral in the shaping of character and the depth of your soul. Only you know how much, I only know that it is good, so I thank him.

  4. There is something about Fathers and Daughters. There isn’t a good time to lose a parent, and I don’t care what anyone says, we all grieve and heal in different ways and at different times. Sometimes having a good cry right away helps, sometimes tackling the emotions with the written helps us process.
    Sorry for your loss. Thank you for the post.

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